| Hello all,
I know it has been a long time. Things have gone crazy. Life turned upside down
and I have been trying to get back to a standing position. Didn't feel I could
quite reach out until I was there....you will soon hear the songs that got
me through...
 I plan to record in the Fall...but for the summer I am touring with a fun side
project I am doing with some friends. Check out shayemusic.com for details.
Just to warn everyone, in case you heard that Bill and I have split up, it is
true. It was an immensely difficult time but we remain the best of friends and
we are still working together!!!! I  was surprised at the reaction when I told
a couple of people who had come up from the States to hear me play with 'SHAYE'
They gasped in horror at the thought...kind of made me smile, actually, to remember
that we were very much known as 'us'. I assure you, the magic is still there,
and love never dies, and the music is strong...and our baby is gorgeous!!!! And
ladies...Bill Bell is single!!!!
So I was in Ireland recently and I wrote this journal entry with the thought
of making it my first entry since my sister died. So here it is...and let me
tell you all...I miss you very much and can't wait to get back on the road!
April 25, 2004
New Castle, County Down, Northern Ireland
I am sitting in my mother's kitchen. Late April is a beautiful
time here. The Mountains of Mourne that 'sweep down to the sea'
are purple with heather. The weather changes from moment to moment.
The wind off the water is strong yet gentle. Somehow you feel
safe, like the wind is raging for you...so you can let it go.
Ire-land....land of anger? No, it's Eire isn't it? I wonder what
that means....
 Drinking tea in the afternoon. My child is sound asleep from playing hard with
her Granny, and Granny is passed out as well. Fifty three and almost three
and they have worn each other out. Mum rarely sees her and is drinking her
in the way I am the air here. Mum gave Sophia a kitten today. Of course it
will have to stay with Granny . She/he (not sure as the little genitals haven't
dropped yet) is calico with a little diamond right in the middle of it's forehead...a
third eye. Diamond is a family name...our Jewish ancestors from New York were
cobblers, I believe. Explains my shoe issues. Anyway, little Diamond shivered
in Sophia's hands and tried to get away. We showed Sophia how to hold her gently
but with strength and soon the kitten was curled up confidently with her new
Mummy.
Last night my youngest sister Bryde, her friend Jodi and I went to the pub
while Granny got caught up on her baby sitting duties. A few pints into the
evening, a Goddess entered the building.
An impressive beauty of considerable girth named Clair (rhymes with Bar) came
in carrying a black and silver case. We were intrigued. She held herself so
confidently and looked around the room with courage and amusement, as though
daring anyone to approach. Her eyebrows raised in slow motion as her horizontally
striped shirt (another true sign of her courage) stretched happily over her
abundant bosom.
She opened the case, looked from side to side. We heard the latches click and
there was a collective sigh that trickled though the room..echoes across the
bar stools.
 A karaoke machine!!! Our jaws dropped. The three of us looked at each other.
I knew what was needed. Three shots of Jagermeister and the song book! We chose
fun, light songs. I did 'no doubt'. No one likes a professional singer to take
karaoke seriously so I picked a song I could goof on. It brought some applause
and glasses still clinked and conversation continued throughout the performance.
I didn't care...I was being silly. Bryde did Avril's complicated and she was
great! Then a local got up. The people grew quiet. Hmmm..supportive friends
I thought. But then this voice...this immense, incredible, operatic voice came
from this soft looking, small man named, of course, Finn. I realized that I
was not in Kansas anymore. I was in Ireland where singing is as natural as
breathing. This is how this culture communes, and celebrates and mourns. This
is where my voice came from! I was goofing around? I sat humbly in my seat
and realized that I had to kick it up a few thousand notches if I was going
to show these people that the Irish in me was the strongest part of my soul.
Finn ended his song and a roar went up from the patrons.
I looked at my sister...she narrowed her eyes and gave me the nod. I looked
at Clair. She sat there, cigarettes and pint, tendrils of smoke dancing above
her head, lit by one tiny spotlight that pierced the bar like a sun beam. We
were all changed from the strong yet gentle voice...shifted somehow...taken
some place ancient. I chose 'Somewhere over the Rainbow'. Eva Cassidy version.
One of the most beautiful songs ever written. A song I have sung since I remember
having a voice.
After a few more breathtaking performances, one by our hostess herself, I got
up and sang. I lost myself and gave it everything I had. The sea roared in
the wind outside the pub. The tempest found her way to my throat and I was
ten years old, singing my heart out...but I was old, and had felt these feelings
throughout a thousand lifetimes. I opened my eyes and saw that everyone was
still, and my sister was weeping, and Clair's pint and cigarette were on the
table, and the bartenders had stopped working.
I bowed in the brief silence that followed and I knew somewhere along the road
when my heart had been shattered, it was for this reason: So that I could sing
as though it were saving my life. And it does, over and over again. I remembered
last night, why I sing. It is the same reason why these people were all here...because
it is what I am, not what I do. And everything life takes from us is given
back.
I was honoured when Finn asked me to duet. We stumbled home, arm in arm....sisters
looking for a chip shop but they were all closed. A classic evening of bonding.
 I woke this morning miraculously without a hangover. The blossoms in Mum's
garden make me feel reborn as the soft light of the afternoon touches the mountains.
I want to walk these hills with my child. I want her little laugh to echo there.
I want to kneel with her beside Shaye's grave and tell her that her Auntie's
spirit is in her, around her, keeping her safe. I want her to know that Ireland
is her home and that she will always find people here with the same light in
their eyes. Mischievous and musical. Light, laughing Irish eyes like Sophia's,
like Shaye's, like mine were, and are now again, all of a sudden.
Sophia wakes.
Love and Light,
Tara
Diary Archives
2007
2005
2004
2002
2001
2000
|
